SOS

help.





523b

hunger strike.

When the hunger strikes,
It became very heavy and low.
It almost feel like your legs are trapped in the tar pond.

You want to go there but you can't.

523b

visiting north korea

I went to the North korea last night in ny dream.
It was pretty dramatic moment because my parent and grand mother came down to the south when the Korean war 1950.
Anyway, i was just happy that my grandma get to visit hometown before she pass away.

However the north korea was so bizzar and unrealistic, everything seems to be fake.
I was so disappointed and also the air,the atmosphere, was really grainy like a high ISO film.
Soon after we get to this street the space connected to the huge department store that similar to the MACY's on a broadway NYC except the escalator was gold instead of wood.

I was going up on the escalator and looked up and there was super hot lady from info desk. She was wearing really tight one piece latex uniform and it was glossy white with blue stripe in the middle which emphasize the shape of her body. I couldn't take my eyes off from her and her micro skirt. I fell in love.

But the dreamy feeling of love got away as I observed the people in the store.
There were many people seems to be families, no one was individual. They act like really un-natural as if they are acting at a movie. Also their facial expression was really negative. They were not angery but they looked anxious.
I was assuming that they are try to escape from the North Korea and I also reminds a couple of super dramatic stories of a family that escaped from N Korea.
I was keep observing and observing and the whole space became black and white.

And then I've got a text message from a girl whom i know from the school.
The text was like this
" if you are a men text me back - S-H "
I replied
" sure Im all man and I want to fuck you"

I woke up with the blazing alarm clock.

523b

sadness

Suddenly, I felt sadness.
And I didn't know why.
It was like a smoky flaver of Bacon.

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retirement.

I told him, I can not work for you anymore.
And he asked why.

So I explain about a paradoxical situation that he has been giving me.

He said he could understand what I said but I was 100% sure that he is not able to understand why and what is conflicting.

In order to accomplish you dream, you have to have total reconstruction of your ego and way of communicating with the world around him.
Also and most importantly you have to have a taste of satisfaction on your tip of tongue. Doesn't need to be a easy satisfactioner(probably not a real word but hope it make sense) but sometime you should be satisfied and relexed.

well, again he doesn't understood and he was tring to avoid the situation again.
And he said "well, you'll understand when you grow up"

I really hate when people says that.

and I woke up.
I was pretty sure this dream is so shallow and closed to the reality.

heavy.

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wrapping up the situation.

It was very humid night and I was riding a bike with someone.
We were chattin about somethin but I don't exactly know what it was about.
wind was blowing with the words and the words fade away like a smoke.

I didn't quite understand what she said and I was keep saying "tomorrow".
but there was not "tomorrow".

It starts raining. water follows the tire and got on my back.
Why the rain walk reverse way?
I was curious.

soked.

It was very sour feeling.

felt heavy.

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indoor MTB down hill park.

So, Last night

IT started in the indoor down hill park.
There was a couple of kickers and pond in between the kicker plus lots of riders.
They are jumping like a sequencial shot on a skateboard magazine, you know one of those trick shot still pics looks like a film .

I didn't know how I ended up in that park but as I remember I was riding my 1974 vaspa GTR which has been seating in my dad's garage for 4 years. I think I finally fixed it and I was really happy riding on it. The sound of two cycle engine was so sexy.

While I was watching those riders in the building I saw a 1984 wine red VW vanagon passing by. Since I 've been fell in love with that van I was gonna follow that van.
I ran to my vespa but it was gone. WTF! I was so sad.
-Flesh Back!-
I was thinking back about the van. I could see blue shadow of my vespa.
DAMN!
The furious persuit was already started.
And than I caught him and he turned out to be a owner of the downhill park.

The fighting and arguing turned into normal chatting and we became a friend.
And we start talking about the van, Vanagon. And again he turn into my building manager 4 years ago. His name is Kevin and he is doing Vanagon biz.

anyway,
I woke up with back pain this morning.

523

recent dream.

I dont remember it was last night or the night before.

It is very unusual when 'murder attempt' involved in my dream,
but the dream was very furious and I was trying so hard to escape from the scene.

--
There was a guy named D-Kim. He is originally nice guy but he's a bit weiredo.

It was basement like a sewer.

He was trying to kill me in my dream.
I fought against to survive.
the best part was the chapstick war.

So, against him I started throwing a metal chapstick like a ninja.
Soon after he throw the chapstick back. I picked up a table near by me to block the
attack. He havn't had anything, so I got him several sticks.
on his chest
on his leg
However, my effort became nothing. He was just fine.
While i was fighting a big fat guy sneaked into and told me that he know a way to go out. He wores a grey pant and white shirts with a brown suspender.

He said he wants to save me but I have to carry his suit.
So I hold it on my left hand.
I followed him.
There was a wall looks like a interior wall from typical amrican house.
The big guy slide one of the section and opened the wall.
we entered and again he closed the wall and it was seam-less.

Inside space of the wall was about three feet wide. and there was a steel mash
hanging on the inner wall. the mash seemed like a half inch grid.
The big guy starts to climb up the mash first.
It was really hard to grab because of the size of the grid but I tried really hard.

climbing
climbing
climbing

I looked down
no one was following us
but I couldn't stop.

climbing
climbing
climbing

I woke up with a shitty feeling.

It was rainning outside.

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Hole and glowing

The world in my last night dream, every object has a hole, just a black hole in the center of there weight, and it has a really abstract glowing around the hole.
Each hole has its own shape according to their i(including human) dentity and the glowing also follows the identity.

Basically, everthing in the world has a void on very center of their being.
Without the glowing, the hole is just a missing piece.

I was observing them with great sorrow.


523b

sound-1

simple thought.

Map of my brain001 by 523b

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